Paté and Heartbreak

Day 21 of 21

Been awake for an hour.  Just finished vacuuming the apartment.  I have to leave in less than hour.  The sun is hardly up.  But I’m packed.  I’m bringing apples from Marche Aligre on the plane with me and my favorite Malo Fromage Frais.  I hope they let me take it through.

Dustin suggested this song for my playlist.  I’ve been listening to it on repeat while I’m cleaning:

Robyn- Dancing On My Own

Day 20 of 21

It’s the eve of my leaving.

Alisa left this afternoon.  We woke up early and had petit dejeuner at La Dome. We had planned on cleaning the apartment afterwards but took a walk to Notre Dame instead.  We had a leisurely day walking through Notre Dame while Sunday Mass was going on and then we went to Berthillon for ice cream on Ile Saint Louis.

Then she left.

It was very hard when she left.  On one hand, I felt lightness as soon as I turned away from the train.  I walked home from Les Halles and contemplated what I would do for the rest of my last day in Paris.  But by the time I got back home, I just wanted to lie down.  I checked to see if Luisa, Dan, or Sebastien were online and they weren’t.

Going from being by myself for such an intense period, to five days with Alisa, to suddenly being alone again…messed with my head a little.  I sort of curled up and just wanted to sleep away my last few hours in Paris.  It’s the loneliest I’ve felt in a long time…not just in the time I’ve been here.

Dan called and I cried.  And he listened.  And then he basically told me I was ok and we got off the phone.  That along with feeling ravenous for cooked meat got me out of bed and into my boots.  I decided to go back to the beginning and have dinner at Vin des Pyrenees.

This time I ordered a steak and a bottle of rosé.  It was a great meal.  And I wrote for two hours.  I quickly found my way back to the place, my place…where everything is ok.  Where being alone at a table in the middle of a restaurant filled with people with my three notebooks is the safest place to be.  I finished my steak and ordered a caramel brioche with ice cream.

I had only one thing left that I needed to do: finish writing at Le Jean Bart.  Lovely Le Jean Bart.  I got my tea…

wrote my last poem in Paris, and contemplated the warmth that I found in this odd little café.

I will never forget this place.

Edith Piaf- Non, je ne regrette rien

• wide ruled notebook for poems
• diary from Ron for journaling
• Time Out Paris Guide
• Michelin Paris Maps by arrondisement
• Moleskine Paris Diary for thoughts on the go, addresses, and directions

Figuring out lodging for this trip caused me a great deal of stress.  I was looking on airbnb.com and parisattitude.com.  I was skeptical about air bnb because I didn’t know anyone who had used it.  But there was something about this apartment that felt right from the beginning.

My first few days here I only left the apartment to go to the grocery store.  I spent alot of time turning the futon into my nest.  I love this place: it’s small, cozy, warm, has everything one needs, and it’s perfectly situated in the Marais.

I want to come back here again and again.  It has the unique character of being the first place that I’ve ever been able to make feel like home just for me.

Camille Labro from Context Travel Tours is the bomb.  After her fantastic walking tour I was able to take Alisa back to Marche Aligre (and other places) to go shopping for our stupendous no-cooking-required dinner:

• cheese and fromage frais from Libert
• homemade foie gras and quince paste from Le Garde Manger
• baguette and tart tatin from Ble Sucre
• dried apricots, fresh cranberries, and apples from the BIO stand
• macaroons from Laduree

Lee and I spent one whole day just buying treats to bring home for our sweeties.  My favorites:

• butter cookies from Poilaine Bakery
• feuilleuntine from Patrick Roger Chocolatier
• buddha blu tea from Mariage Freres

All efforts to go out and party in Paris ended up being completely detoured.  Mostly by me.  Three nights in a row I didn’t end up at the venues I was supposed to and didn’t rendez-vous with people I was meant to.  Instead, each night we ended up at the cheery Au Petit Fer à Cheval with the ray-of-sunshine-disguised-as-a-bartender, Bruno.

I think I’ve gotten a little soft.  When a waitress at Prescription Cocktail Club shoved me (twice), I simply left.  This is totally out of character.  Good or bad?  Is the New York in me waiting at the airport?

Just dropped Lee off at the RER. Back to being on my own.  It’s really nice and it’s a little bit sad.

Sometimes Alisa would smile to herself and I think she was imagining what her daughter, Sydney, would be doing if she were with us or how much she would like something that Lee saw in a window.

Once when we were in college, I was telling Lee how much I wanted a dog.  She said she didn’t want one.

Me: But it’s like having your best friend with you all the time!

Lee: Yeah, a best friend that doesn’t have any other friends.

Sixteen years later, we’re walking through Saint Germain her thoughts continually wandering to the 4 year old waiting for her at home.  My thoughts, completely untethered.

I love you Lee.
Thank you for coming out here.

Rod Stewart- Father and Son

Day 19 of 21

Phoenix- If I Ever Feel Better